Friendships are valuable, and it is helpful to recognize and understand, “what are the 3 types of friendships” we experience.
When we understand the adage, 3 types of friendships–reason, season, and lifetime–it explains why we meet friends, how we keep friends, and why we lose friends through change or conflict.
As I journey through life my friends have brought great joy in the good times and comfort in the hard times.
Regardless of which of the 3 types of friendships you encounter, their presence makes life better.
If you are struggling with friendship and want to make friendships stronger, understanding the 3 types of friendships will help you become a better friend!
The Purpose of Friendship
Good friends enhance your happiness, help you grow, and support you. We are most content when surrounded by those we call friends.
The purpose of friendship is to share love and life with others. We were not created to live alone.
We meet people for different purposes, and I often wonder if an acquaintance will move into the friendship category.
There are various reasons why we experience different types of friendship such as shared experiences, chemistry, and availability.
Once a special connection is formed and we begin to call each other friends, it is hard to know at that moment, how the friendship will unfold and what type of friends we will become.
Most of us enter into friendships with the hope that they will continue indefinitely. We don’t meet people and start dividing them into different types of friendships.
The 3 types of friendships happen as natural rhythms of relationships and life.
I was part of a Mothers of Preschoolers group when my children were young, and created special memories with wonderful moms and their children.
That season and those friendships gave me and my children special memories. I am still friends with several of the moms I met in that group, but with others, as our children grew, we lost touch.
The 3 types of friendships explain why moving on and losing touch is inevitable and how we can adjust and adapt to this reality with the people we call friends who we entrust with our time and love.
What are the 3 Types of Friendships?
Once we understand what are the 3 types of friendships, it helps navigate relationships.
My understanding of each type of friendship has expanded over time and through real-life applications.
The 3 types of friendships include friends for a reason, friends for a season, and friends for a lifetime.
Friends for a Reason
Friends for a reason include friends we meet and connect with. Many friends start as this kind of friendship then are cultivated and grow.
These are the people we work or exercise with, our neighbors, a small group at church, or people we communicate with on social media.
I met one of my friends for a reason at my first post-college job 30 years ago. We both had graduated from college and were excited about our positions at a local television station. When I was hired and assigned a cubicle, the only entrance was accessed by passing through her office.
We were forced together, which is not the best way to start a friendship, and Laurie graciously tolerated my popping by her desk several times a day for months. We slowly formed a connection and eventually she became a good, then a great friend.
We experienced many highs (weddings and births) and lows (moves and loss), and she is what I now consider a lifetime friend.
The types of friends who come into our lives for a reason don’t always turn into friends for a lifetime. Many times, we meet people for a reason and then move on; we finish the assignment and that is the end of the friendship.
Other times we meet friends for a reason, form a connection but the opportunity to deepen and grow the friendship is not there.
The good news is there will always be opportunities and reasons to meet people; some will be utilitarian but others may develop into greater connections if the timing is right.
Jesus started His ministry and friendship with his disciples for a reason, to spread His message of love and to make them “fishers of men”:
“And Jesus, walking by the Sea of Galilee, saw two brothers, Simon called Peter, and Andrew his brother, casting a net into the sea; for they were fishermen. Then He said to them, “Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men.” They immediately left their nets and followed Him.”
Matthew 4:18-20 NKJV
How exciting to be part of a friend group with such a grand mission!
The disciples probably anticipated walking beside Jesus for the rest of their lives; I think I would have.
We enter into most of our relationships with the hope of this type of friendship, enduring.
That is why it can be difficult to move on when we realize some people come into our lives and it will only last a season.
These friends of Jesus did become his dearest friends and eventually, most died in the continuation of the ‘reason’ they were called by Him.
Friends for a Season
Friends for a season are my least favorite type of friendship. Friends forever would work better for me, but that is not how life works.
Friends for a season are the friendships we are connected to for a while before the relationship is lost and ends.
I have experienced many friends for a season and now recognize that in life, some friendships exist for a certain purpose. Understanding this helps relieve feelings of hurt, failure or confusion.
Shifting values, priorities, circumstances or conflict can cause friends for a season.
Changes in circumstances, such as my Mothers of Preschoolers friends, are understandable and easier to move on from.
But friendships lost for painful reasons such as betrayal and rejection are challenging to let go of and can leave us feeling forgotten.
Jesus’ disciples who had walked, worked, and grown close beside him were devastated by the news that He would leave them.
“Now while they were staying in Galilee, Jesus said to them, “The Son of Man is about to be betrayed into the hands of men, and they will kill Him, and the third day He will be raised up.” And they were exceedingly sorrowful.”
Matthew 17:22-23 NKJV
The disciples’ loss of Jesus in the flesh brought them deep sadness.
Have you been exceedingly sorrowful by the loss of a friend? I have.
It is comforting to know that sorrow and grief are normal feelings with friends for a season. As in the case of Jesus having to depart, there are many situations that we cannot change that lead to a type of friendship that lasts for only a season.
How we handle the departing and the discouragement that follows can be instrumental in our growth and ability to be a good friend to others.
The good news is the sorrow of losing a friend can always be remedied with the help of those friends for a lifetime.
Friends for a Lifetime
Friends for a lifetime are the type of friends that hang on to us no matter what storm, disappointment or disruption comes along.
We usually have associates and acquaintances we know for years, but deep friends for a lifetime are an enduring part of our story; they see us, know us, get us, and still love us.
I have wonderful friends ‘for a lifetime’ and am thankful every day.
Friends for a lifetime take work and require people striving for purpose and personal growth, respect for each other’s boundaries and realistic expectations.
Friends for a lifetime offer forgiveness, unconditional love, support, and space. They do not own or control us.
We experience these types of mutually beneficial, virtuous friendships when God is placed first in our lives because we do not cling to someone with the expectation that they will fulfill or complete us.
Our faith sustains our worth.
“A true friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need.”
Proverbs 17:17 NLT
Although Jesus left His disciples in the flesh, He became a friend for a lifetime to them and us through His resurrection and imparting of the Holy Spirit.
“I have told you this while I am still with you. The Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you everything and make you remember all that I have told you.”
John 14:26 NLT
“The Helper will come, the Spirit, who reveals the truth about God and who comes from the Father. I will send him to you from the Father, and he will speak about me.”
John 15:26 GNT
Our ability to hold on to and be friends for a lifetime, even through conflict and pain, is fostered when our deepest need for love and friendship is met through Christ and the comfort of the Holy Spirit.
What are Friendships Based on?
In friendship circles, regardless of the type, we can be image bearers who exude the love that God continually bestows upon us, because all 3 types of friendships are based on love.
What are friendships based on? Love.
I hope to be lovely in strong friendships but also in a friendship cut short by conflict; even when I feel wronged, sad, and miss the person and don’t know what happened.
The only way we can base friendships on love and be Godly friends is to place expectations vertically toward Christ instead of horizontally toward others and to grow closer to God through changes and seasons of friendship.
The 3 types of friendships add joy to life. When we learn to love more deeply and forgive more extravagantly, we understand what friendships are based on and become honoring, virtuous friends.
How Does Jesus Define Friendship?
Jesus is our truest, closest friend a soul friend. How does Jesus define friendship? Jesus was the perfect friend. He is always available and provides a wholeness in your spirit that does not compare to any earthly friendship.
When we wonder, what is friendship? We read in the Bible that Jesus provides the perfect model of what a loving, virtuous friend looks like.
Experiencing God’s extreme love and contentment, helps us reach out and unconditionally love others where our joy is made complete.
We anticipate the hope of what friendship brings instead of fearing what we risk.
As Jesus was preparing to be led to the cross, where He would die, he addressed his disciples,
“I’ve told you these things for a purpose: that my joy might be your joy, and your joy wholly mature. This is my command: Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends.
John 15:13 MSG
Jesus lost His life for us, his friends. His death was atonement for our sins and a personal, relational act of friendship.
Jesus expressed deep, sacrificial love for all people in His life and death and set an example for us to follow.
Regardless of which of the 3 types of friendships you are part of, understanding how Jesus defines friendship and having confidence in your identity and His enduring love helps you become a better friend.
How about you? How has learning the 3 types of friendships helped?
Author
Mary Rooney Armand
Mary is the creator and writer for the faith-based blog ButterflyLiving.org. Her writing is featured on multiple websites. She is the author of, “Identity, Understanding, and Accepting Who I Am in Christ” and “Life Changing Stories“—a collaboration with 34 authors available on Amazon.
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Yes, these are the three types of friendship. I struggle the most with the ones that come for just a season as I do not like losing a friend. BUT…in seeing the season as that which it is and being able to move on for such a time as this makes it special. The lifetime friends can be a struggle for me too for the one who is that lifetime friend and I had a problem several years ago and it took a tragedy in my life for us to reconnect. And we have yet it still does not feel as it was. So change is important and allowing for those changes.
Thanks for sharing God’s Word in this for His words will guide me through these times.
Friendship can be so difficult and rewarding. Reconnecting with your friend is great, in time, it may completely mend. Thanks for reading!
What great insight!! I struggle so much with forming friendships because I expect every person that I’ve invested my time in to become a forever friend. It can be discouraging when that doesn’t happen.
That is so hard…I hope this post helps! I also have had those thoughts. Thanks for reading!
Beautiful read!!
“The only way I can be a Godly friend is to place my expectations vertically toward Christ instead of horizontally toward others.”
Thank you for these words.
Zamy, thank you for stopping by & your encouragement!
It wasn’t until recently that I learned about the three types of friendships and it actually helped me a lot. It helped me to let go of a few people that I wasn’t connecting with anymore because I realized that some friends are only for a season. You did a wonderful job explaing the three types of friendships and I know I will think about this often.
Heather, thanks so much for reading and your feedback! Learning the 3 types has helped me as well.
This is a great reminder to be more purposeful with our words and thoughts as well. I think understanding these three types of friendships will also help protect us from being easily offended by others. In this country, we are quick to use the word “Friend” to cover most all relationships. I think it is interesting that in many others languages, the speakers still use specific words to distinguish between types of relationships.
Teresa,
what an interesting perspective to add about friendship! Thanks for reading and your thoughts!
I love this! I never thought of friendships being different in these ways. But it makes so much sense. It also makes it easier when you lose touch with a friend. They may have just been a friend for a reason or season, and not meant to be a lifetime friend. And that is okay. Also, love that you remind us that Jesus is our best friend. Amen to that!
Collene, thanks for your thoughts and for reading!
I’ve never thought about Judas being Jesus’ friend. That is silly of me now that I think about it. There was a relationship there in the beginning. A friend for a season. Very good post. I’ve pinned it
I know that amazes me that Jesus loved him despite his shortcomings. Thanks for reading & sharing!
I over this post! My favorite part is where you talked about the disciples friendship with Jesus. They didn’t expect Him to leave so soon! I know the sorrow and grief of friends leaving or seeing us drift apart. It makes me sad sometimes you just have to let go of them. Thank you for the comfort of your reminder that I have Jesus as my truest, closest friend!â¤ï¸
Karen,
Thanks for your insights and for reading!
Friendship is one of the most endearing parts of my life. God has definitely brought lifelong and seasonal friends into my life and I loved them all. What a beautiful and encouraging post! Love it …
Donna,
Friendship is so important to me as well! Thanks for your kind words and for reading!
Great insight into different types of friendship! I experienced many times – friendships for a particular season of my/our life. when that season ended, we both drifted apart. At the same time, I believe it is important to discern when it is time to let go and when one needs to make an effort, not. to drift apart
Thanks for stopping by and reading!
I had never thought about friendship this way before, but it makes a lot of sense. Looking back, I can see how God brought certain people into my life for a season to teach me something, help me grow, or allow me to minister to them. I used to think it was my responsibility to keep all these friendships going, but I realize now it’s the lifetime friends that we really want to invest our time and energy in. This frees me to focus on cultivating a few deep friendships rather than trying to spread myself too thin.
Jennifer, thanks for reading and adding your insights!
I think understand the distinction between these three types of friendship is key to having a healthy perspective on relationships. Putting hight expectations on all friendships can lead to a lot of pain and heartache. I’ve learned this from experience, unfortunately. I love how you ended this article with Jesus being our closest and long-lasting friend. It reminds me of one of my mom’s favorite hymns, “What a friend we have in Jesus”.
Summer, I love that hymn as well! Thanks for reading and your wise words!
Oh my goodness, I just saw how many typos I have! lol
I’m in a season of long distant lifelong friends right now. I don’t have any close by being that we move quite a bit with the military. BUT, you remind me that Jesus is always my friend and he is always with me. Thank you.
Maryann, that must be difficult to start over as you move. Praying you find some friends close to you to accompany your forever friends!
I must confess that I’m hearing about these 3 types of friendships for the first time. Not that the concept is new just that I never actually put a title to them but now that I think of it, it makes sense.
I love my friends to be forever friends because I don’t make friends easily, but it’s good to know when to let go.
Betty, I like forever friends best as well! Thanks for reading!
This is so insightful! Thanks for laying it out so simply. Seeing the reason, season & lifetime categories gives new perspective and a freedom in accepting when certain friendships fade.
Rachel, thanks for stopping by & reading!
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I just discovered yesterday that I lost a dear friend who I invested alot of time and love into. I woke up this morning with despair in my heart and this post was definitely God encouraging me to keep going this morning. Thank you dear friend …
Donna, I am so sorry you have lost a friend. It really is a deep pain in our hearts when we lose someone we love. Praying for God’s comfort.
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Hi, I never even knew that friends could be placed into three categories. I simply value people as friends even though some have been closer than others. Thanks for the enlightenment.
Marcia, thanks for stopping by and adding your thoughts! I love that you don’t think of friends in categories and I don’t either. The 3 types of friendships are most helpful when reflecting on lost friendships or when counseling a friend. I hope it will be helpful to you! Many blessings, Mary
l asked God for more Godly friends, and l didn’t know that l first have to understand what l am asking of him for me to receive l first have to be what l am asking him for, thanks this is good news, Robin
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