How to Know God Sees You: Finding Grace in the Shadow of Shame

If you struggle to believe that God sees you, Deborah Rutherford shares her story of how to know God sees you and find grace in the shadow of shame.

We’ve all had those moments when we don’t feel like we belong—where the weight of a tangled past or the isolation of our current circumstances makes us feel unseen.

I felt this recently as the congregation sang, and my eyes settled on a mother holding her newborn baby.

These days, I am often the oldest at church. Though I am childless, God has given me a wonderful, loving husband.

Still, in that moment, I wondered if his heart ached, too. My desperate plea wafted to the Holy Father: “Help me to be okay.”

Afterward, the Lord brought a sister in Christ near my age into my path to talk to.

I spilled probably more than I should have, but she had a hearing problem, so I’m not sure she caught it all.

Perhaps I was really telling Jesus how hard it was to fit in. What if they knew my story? Would they like me?

Maybe that’s why it’s taken me some time to make friends—because the fear of others knowing our past can keep us from coming out.

Even when God has forgiven us, we still struggle with what others might think. I realized that my feeling of standing on the outside looking in wasn’t new.

Centuries ago, another woman stood at a well, feeling that same heavy weight of being an outsider.

Her story reminds us that God sees you and no one is ever too lost to be found and freed.

“Behold, I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth; shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”

Isaiah 43:19 NKJV

God Sees You: Known and Loved

The woman in John 4 was an outcast on every level.

First, she was a Samaritan—a cultural outsider viewed as “unclean” by the Jewish world around her.

Then, she was a social pariah, the one who wasn’t welcome by the other women.

That is why she came bearing her water jug at noon, in the day’s scorching heat.

There, she hoped for no whispers nor judgmental glares for someone such as herself—one living in marital instability.

This wasn’t a special day, and she certainly wasn’t looking for a Savior as she braved the cruel heat, doing her best to stay afloat in her isolation.

But Jesus doesn’t worry about what society thinks. On this day at the well, He broke cultural and religious barriers to meet her just as she was offering a gift that would change everything.

Speaking into her parched spirit, He said:

“Jesus answered her, ‘If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water… indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

John 4:10, 14

Although Jesus knew all about her, He offered grace, not condemnation.

This is where freedom happens: when we realize we are fully known and loved.

When we accept Jesus as our Savior, He not only forgives and redeems us, but He refreshes the wilderness places of our past.

While it is sometimes hard for us to let go of our reproach, we must hold onto the truth that Jesus has already freed us.

We are already worthy and accepted.

How do we make this shift from disgrace to freedom? It starts with an exchange.

Like the woman at the well, we must be willing to leave our heavy burdens behind to receive the identity He has waiting for us: Redeemed daughter of God.

God Sees You: His Daily Grace

It was through these moments of feeling like an outcast—both at the well of my own past and in the pews of my church—that the Holy Spirit began to whisper the truth to my heart.

What I have learned is this: Jesus loves us and gives us daily grace for moments such as these.

He didn’t come for the perfect, put-together woman; He came for the messy, brokenhearted one.

He came for the lost and the prodigal.

He came for you and me.

When Jesus died on the cross, it was even for the woman who struggles with shame.

His blood has cleansed us, and shame has no business in the life of a daughter of God.

When these feelings arise—often triggered by seeing a precious baby’s face that reminds me of my loss or the mistakes I made as a young woman—I have learned to enter the throne room exactly as I am, knowing that even in my brokenness, I am fully seen and fully welcomed.

Even when I have only groans to offer, the Holy Spirit translates my pleas into grace and holds every tear (Romans 8:26).

God Sees You: His Promise 

If you feel unseen or adrift today, know that God sees you and is doing a “new thing.”

God sees you and makes a way through the wilderness and across the rivers in the desert.

Hold on to this: You are seen. You are loved. And you are NEVER TOO LOST FOR GOD.

God holds you just as you are while the Son’s warmth begins to renew you.

To read more about my journey from broken to beloved, or explore what it means to be lost and then found by Jesus, I am moved to share my debut poetry collection, Prodigal Daughter: Poems of Light for the Lost.

This is my journey toward being truly Home with Jesus.

God sees you: Scriptures for the journey.

• Psalm 30:11 – He turns my mourning into joyful dancing.
• Genesis 18:14 – Is anything too hard for the Lord?
• Psalm 34:18 – The Lord is close to the brokenhearted.
• Jeremiah 29:11 – “For I know the plans I have for you…”
• John 8:36 – “So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.”

Stay close, kindred soul.

Author

Deborah Rutherford

Join Debroah’s Substack community to keep in the know. Link to Substack. Coming soon is Deborah’s book, Prodigal Daughter, and available now, Unexpected Blessings: 40 Days of Trusting God in the Details.